What can I let go of?

 

There a lot in my life that I need to let go off. I a lot of my past that I hold way to tight and need to learn and let it go. How do you let it go though when you don't want to forget? A lot of what I hold on it are memories that I don't want to forget. I don't want forget the moments with my brother. The car rides, the drinking nights, or just sitting around BS. Or what about the time he told me he loved how I played the piano. That there was nothing better then sitting in the house listening to me play. Yep that's one memory I never want to forget.

My past is not all bright and sunshine my past is very dark and full of more pain that most people go though in there life. The pain I have felt over the 30 years of my life is more pain then most people every feel in their life time. The death of my brother just two weeks before I graduated high school. Yep that was the start of my darkest point in my life. To this dayI still remember the scream of my father, the sight of  my brother laying on the ground, or the way the rain hit my face as I stood outside in the drive way. The way the volunter for the ambluance company stood next to me and put her hand on my shoulder. She didn't tell me everything would be okay because she knew that wasn't the truth.

I went though the next few years in a daze no real meaning in life. A lot of sad times I couldn't move on from my brother death. Just though when I thought I was. I decided to go back to school. I decided that I wanted  fto be a nurse. That was when my life changed again. I got news that my mom was sick. She wouldn't tell me how sick at first. However I get it out of her. She was suffering from liver failure. Yep mom was sick she was my rock. I dropped out of school and rushed home to be with her.

Mom went down hill fast I moved back home in auguest by decemember she was spending more time in the hospital then home. I knew my mom  was going  down hill I didn't want to admit to it yet . Even when my father was admit to the hospital and they told me he wouldn't make it though. I did everything I could to get my mom to sit by his bedside. They couldn't transfer her though she was way to sick to be moved. So  instead I stood next to my father bedside with my little sister. Saying good bye to the man who wasn't suppose to be going yet.

I made a promise to my mom that I wouldn't bury him until she  came home. She never came home though. She never fault the battle. She lost the battle not soon after my father. I buried them next to my brother. The three of them up in heaven over looking me and my sister.

I wish I could say life was easy after that. Nope I end going though a lot more trails. A lot more hard times in my life. It those moment I need to learn to let go of. I need to learn how to let  go of all the hard times. They made me stronger and I need to us the strength that they gave me. I need to let go of the pain and hold on to the strength.